Self-care isn’t about the activity.
Self-care is about choice and control.
Control of our time and how we spend it. As moms, we control so little about our day. Always checking off tasks for the kids, for our partner, for the home. And such little time, energy, money, and mental headspace to spend on ourselves at the end of the day.
Self-care occurs for mothers when we have total control over our time; when and how we spend it doesn’t matter, but being free to spend it as we please does.
Can grocery shopping be self-care? Maybe, if you’re not rushing through the store with 2 kids after work on a Tuesday.
Can hair appointments be self-care? Maybe, if your partner isn’t texting “when are you coming back?! He won’t stop screaming!”
Can chores around the house be self-care? Maybe, if you’re not side-eyeing your partner and filled with resentment while they nap on the couch.
Self-care means I own my time. It means I, and only I, make the choice of activity. And it means I control this tiny chunk of time in my day in every way. True self-care in this manner might feel impossible, but I can tell you it starts with one thing: advocacy of our basic needs.